If you haven’t guessed yet from my posts, I struggle with perfectionism. I have for as long as I can remember, but I didn’t know what it was until I was an adult. I just knew that everything felt so hard, and I never could get things quite “right”.
People typically think of a perfectionist as someone who’s meticulous and accomplished- always striving hard to do their best but maybe a workaholic. And there are perfectionists like that. But there are also many of us who are constantly thinking of how much better we could be if only we could figure it all out. And being consumed by the inability to live up to our expectations. We’re often stuck believing it’s all or nothing, so we sabotage ourselves by procrastinating, self-medicating with drugs or alcohol, overeating, starving ourselves.. all sorts of destructive behaviours. Why even bother trying if it won’t be good enough?
After I finally learned about perfectionism, I was able to start exploring where it came from in my life (thanks, therapy!) and what I can do when I find myself struggling again. Like with everything, what works for one person may not work for another. We all have many parts intersecting in our lives that make up who we are. But I feel it’s important for us to share our struggles and successes so others can see that they’re not alone. Every time I read about something I’ve also dealt with I feel a weight being lifted.
So I’m sharing something I wrote for myself five years ago following one of the harder times. I still read it when the thoughts start piling up again. It helps me to refocus, and also remember how far I’ve come.
There will always be more excuses.
You will always be too busy
Or too tired
Or too stuck.
There will always be too much to do.
There will never be enough time
Or money.
It will always be too hard.
You will never be mom enough
Wife enough
Friend enough
Enough.
And you will never do anything at all if you don’t just STOP.
Just stop.
Take a breath.
Now take another.
You’re alive.
And so long as you are-
You get to choose
What you need
Who you’ll be
How you’ll get there.
It won’t be perfect
But nothing ever can be.
So just decide what to do and do it.
No more excuses.
No more guilt.
When it doesn’t go the way you planned
Give yourself some grace
Work on how to fix it.
Allow yourself to make mistakes-
Embrace them.
It’s how you learn.
It’s how you find the way to get there.
Where?
Anywhere you want.
You get to choose.
And even when you can’t choose
You always have a choice-
How to respond
What you can do instead.
So just breathe.
Cry.
Learn.
Try.
Even if you fail-
Breathe and cry some more and start again.
You can do this.
You’re doing this.
You are this.
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