Do you have weekly family meetings? Confession time: This is one of those tools that I’ve always loved in theory, but could never do for more than a few weeks in a row. Everything would go okay at first, but then we’d get busy and skip one.. and just keep skipping until a few months later when we’d do a few more.. and so on.
Eventually just the thought of keeping up with meetings every week left me feeling even more overwhelmed than usual. There was no way I was adding yet another task to my already very long list of things to do.
But nearly 7 months ago we chose to start up our meetings again- and now we’ve only missed 8 out of 30 weeks. And have even more time.
So what’s changed?
Maybe our schedules are finally clear enough? Or I’ve just become extremely organized? Or we recently won the lottery and no longer have to work?
Nope.
The secret behind our recent success with meetings was addressing the real reasons why we kept struggling with them.
It was more than a lack of time.
Sure, one struggle was limited time. But another big one was that my kids often found meetings boring. We’d plan a fun activity for the end, but what kid wouldn’t prefer skipping the meeting part and playing instead? They’d skip cleaning up too if we let them.
But of course I knew they couldn’t skip cleaning. And they knew we all do things we don’t enjoy sometimes.
So what was different about the meetings? Why could I stick with other limits, but I couldn’t I stick with this one?
I think subconsciously I’d decided that since we were already holding all those other limits, we could let this one go. We were still using most of the tools and things were okay most of the time. I felt guilty about it, but then I’d come back to the limited time. We were already full. I couldn’t add something else.
But I was missing the point. Family meetings don’t take extra time. They make extra time.
During family meetings we reconnect, plan our week, listen, take turns, encourage each other, problem-solve, and much more. All the things we need to learn and practice anyway! In the long run, setting aside this time every week actually ends up saving time during the rest of the week.
It’s not an extra tool after all.
Last year I attended the Positive Discipline Conference for the first time, and all of this finally clicked. I saw we needed to start making family meetings a priority. So I announced to my girls that meetings were officially back. They weren’t exactly thrilled- there were quite a few groans in protest. But they became mildly interested when I said they’d be the ones leading them.
When my husband got home, I was all set to tell him. I was even ready with my response in case he disagreed. Then he announced- I think we should start doing family meetings again. He looked pretty confused when we suddenly started laughing!
So how are things going now?
It hasn’t all been easy! Our schedules don’t always match up well, and sometimes illnesses or extra activities come up and we miss that week. But those are usually the times we end up feeling extra scattered and disconnected. Now that we’ve seen the benefit of meetings over a longer period, we always get right back into them.
Sure, we’re still busy. Everyone is busy. We’re not going to suddenly stop being busy. But we’ve learned that when we’re busiest is actually when we need family meetings even more.
The same goes for special time and self-care. These things aren’t extras- they’re essentials. When we’re “too busy” for things that reconnect us to ourselves and others, life gets even harder. Just going through the motions and getting things done only leads to more stress and disconnection.
But what if we really don’t have time to get started?
I understand how it feels to try adding on another tool. We all know that it doesn’t save time initially, when you’re learning the process and getting everyone on board and practicing. But it honestly does start to, even after a few weeks. And there are creative ways we can fit it in. One thing I’ve learned is to start small. For now, get into the habit of having a meeting- for just a few minutes- even if you don’t do all the parts every time.
(And you can keep working on that lottery route too, just in case.)
If you’re new to family meetings, or it’s been awhile since you’ve done them, you can check out this amazingly throrough handout from Sound Discipline for lots of info on getting started, along with other valuable ideas (I found it helpful to print it right out and put it in our family meeting binder). There’s also more info in this post from the Positive Discipline website.
If you already do them, what’s been your biggest challenge or success so far? Do you have any other tips you’d suggest?
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